An Existential Crisis

18.06.2017

Sometimes we tend to feel really small. But if you think about it, where does the fault really lie? In ourselves, the world, or how we perceive the world?

The world is round, huge, a nomad’s refuge. But at times this same space can become incredibly suffocating. The fact that the earth is just one planet among an infinite mess of galaxies in an even more incredulous universe, comes to you like an epiphany. And you are just one person among the billions either holding on to dear gravity or floating where reflections seize to exist. This realisation is what drives your existential crises out of proportion and into stark reality, making you a resident of a paradoxical planet; as small as it is vast. The concept of distance confuses you because the sun is this giant ball of fire, yet you see it rise and set and days turns into years; but the stars still come in multiples and take up more space in the sky. The concept of time doesn’t make sense when you consider age as a mere number while memories are uncountable and sometimes not even recallable. And the concept of size is lost to you; because your problems are big to you but small for someone who isn’t you, and you don’t know who gets to be the bigger person then.

The mind and spirit coincide so often, the heart and soul are so closely related; that sometimes mutual compromise trumps trade-off. Your heartbeat softens and stabilises course knowing that it is impossible fit the whole world in your hands, but it is possible to combust with happiness. Pain subsides and if it hasn’t already, it will eventually (or not, tough luck); but life goes on, even if you seize to exist in someone else’s (or your own, tough luck lol). You are not redundant. You may become a fond memory, a time well spent, a weakness, a strength, a best friend, a photograph or that stranger that smiled from a distance, but you do have a space without which someone else would be left incomplete. And that bit of space amounts to your entire will to live, encompasses and hushes your momentary existential crisis to come visit you some other time. You’re good for now.

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